Dutch posted this in Sandy's blog but I thought I'd bring it on over here because I am having a boy and no doubt I have tons of fun stuff to look forward to. Like for instance my roommate's three year old little boy has just enlightened me to the fact that shoving an entire bar of soap down the sink drain will in fact clog it up no matter how much you plunge and pour hot water down it! Lucky for me they are moving out next week! I need time to adjust to my own impending boy adventures!
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RAISING BOYS
a) For those who have grown children - this is totally
hysterical!
b) For those who have children past this age, this is
hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not
funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this
is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is
birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin,
Texas (and even if it is not, it still is funny.)
Things I've learned from my boys honest and not
kidding:
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a
2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run
over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200
adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the
motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy
wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. However,
it is strong enough, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the
ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat,
you have to throw the ball up a few times before you
get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long
way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't
stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words
"uh-oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and
lots of it.
9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint
rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only
do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive
tract of a 4-year old boy.
11.) Play-dough and microwaves should not be used in
the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming
pool, you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCRs do not eject "PB&J" sandwiches even though
TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when
driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor
is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on,
plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute
response time. Do you know yours?
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not
make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of
their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the
Clorox and brake fluid
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RAISING BOYS
a) For those who have grown children - this is totally
hysterical!
b) For those who have children past this age, this is
hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not
funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this
is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is
birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin,
Texas (and even if it is not, it still is funny.)
Things I've learned from my boys honest and not
kidding:
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a
2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run
over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200
adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the
motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy
wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. However,
it is strong enough, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the
ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat,
you have to throw the ball up a few times before you
get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long
way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't
stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words
"uh-oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and
lots of it.
9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint
rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only
do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive
tract of a 4-year old boy.
11.) Play-dough and microwaves should not be used in
the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming
pool, you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCRs do not eject "PB&J" sandwiches even though
TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when
driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor
is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on,
plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute
response time. Do you know yours?
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not
make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of
their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the
Clorox and brake fluid
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Unsu...
Re: The Joys of Boys
Sun, August 20, 2006 - 5:39 PM<<11.) Play-dough and microwaves should not be used in
the same sentence. >>
I want to know what happens. Can someone with a microwave find out and let us know.
There should be a list of these about teenage boys.
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Sun, August 20, 2006 - 6:15 PMAlso I have learned that in the eyes of a three year old boy a toothbrush is not just for cleaning teeth so if your toothbrush is mysteriously wet or sticky then it is best to throw it out and place the next one out of reach. -
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Unsu...
Re: The Joys of Boys
Sun, August 20, 2006 - 7:01 PM"toothbrush is mysteriously wet or sticky then it is best to throw it out and place the next one out of reach."........ might do the same if it smells like solvent and a biker lives with ya.... he he he..... great for cleanin road crude from between cylinder fins........ burp!
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Sun, August 20, 2006 - 7:11 PM*sighs*
I only have one boy...nothing like the Mother/Son bond! -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Sun, August 20, 2006 - 8:22 PMThat is what I hear Leisa and I am looking forward to that.....still I have been learning a thing or two like for instance to a three year old boy crayons write just as well on the dining room table as they do on plain old paper. -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Sun, August 20, 2006 - 8:56 PMHoly crap is that what most parents go through with their boys? Looks like I lucked out on mine!
Oh wait, I just remembered. My little brother and I put my mom through alot of crap like that. By the way, wadding up toilet paper, wetting it, and throwing it against the bathroom ceiling makes a great *shlup!* sound, and it sticks to the ceiling really well too. Especially after it dries, and your poor mother has to clean the ceiling and she doesn't know what in the hell is stuck to it. -
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Unsu...
Re: The Joys of Boys
Sun, August 20, 2006 - 9:24 PMI always liked to draw with my crayons on the wall behind the refrigerator. Mom was so pissed the day we moved and they came to take the frig.
Also when i was two or three i would eat here make up, drink perfume.
I also liked to take the coffee, sugar, eggs and ketchup and make them into a bright puddle or muck in the middle of the kitchen floor. -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Sun, August 20, 2006 - 9:27 PMOh yeah, and did you know that oatmeal with honey makes a great adhesive when dried on your wall with paper? Well I do now! -
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Unsu...
Re: The Joys of Boys
Sun, August 20, 2006 - 9:29 PMBut mom let me live. And I have to say she was very cool and calm when I was 16 and what I thought was lice turned out to be crabs. Of course she had to point that out to my idiot ass teenage self. -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Sun, August 20, 2006 - 9:41 PMI think I will be a pretty cool Mom. I will be lucky if my son is a bit more like his father than like me. His dad is mellow and analytical and thinks before acting. By all accounts he was like that even as a kid. Me on the other hand......you know those episodes of Malcom in the Middle where you see the boys doing things like toboganing off of the roof and you think to yourself "Oh come on no one was stupid enough to try that!" .............well, my brother and I were that stupid at times! Yeah I was as bad as any boy at times!
Sling shot wars in the livingroom with the squishy strawberries from the garden. He started it! And well it didn't seem like such a bad idea at the time!
Did you know if you freeze a scorpion in the freezer you can take it out a few days later and it will come back to life? Yes, I did do that.
and if you chew gum up and wad it with tiny bits of tissue and shoot it through a straw it sticks even better!
And did you know that powder soap they had for hand washing in school can look just like the powder in a pixie stick to an unsuspecting classmate? Did I mention I am evil? -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Sun, August 20, 2006 - 9:44 PMOh yeah, and did you know your pet iguana will get dizzy and bob his head up and down if you put him on the record player and turn it on? Forgive me for that one.....I was four. -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
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Unsu...
Re: The Joys of Boys
Mon, August 21, 2006 - 11:08 PM2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run
over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
I so want to try that. -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Thu, September 14, 2006 - 8:39 PMThat's a great commercial. -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Thu, September 14, 2006 - 10:24 PMYeah Bruce and I laugh our asses off at that commercial. Of course OUR little angel will be nothing like that! -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Fri, September 15, 2006 - 10:31 AMhe he he he
I agree........... I mean H E L L O............ you don't let them get away with that crap!
Hell, I'd swoop them up and leave the store, and that would be the last time they got to go........ at least for a while........
I can't remember the last time I saw someone let their child act like that in the store....... which is a good thing.......... I remember a time when my kids would be looking at a kid acting up in awe.......... like what the hell is going on............. I think I used it as an example in something I'm sure........ I know I'm not the best parent....... but I do my best each day........ and would never tolerate that!
Is duct tape legal?????????
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Fri, September 15, 2006 - 10:42 AMOn the mouth or the hands? -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Fri, September 15, 2006 - 11:24 AMto the ceiling fan...........
or hall closet........
;-)
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Thu, September 14, 2006 - 9:21 PMhe he he he
having two not so little boys........... I can laugh my ass off.............now.........
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Fri, September 15, 2006 - 8:55 PMoh, I dunno...try visiting Target on the weekends or the evenings..
I always say "It's not a trip to Target without one screaming child!" -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Fri, September 15, 2006 - 11:24 PMLOL......... maybe I just tune them out now ..........because they can't be mine.......... he he he
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Unsu...
Re: The Joys of Boys
Thu, September 14, 2006 - 9:25 PMI won't even think of posting the "Joy of TEENAGE Boys"......... it might scare too many of you off from ever having kids..... -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Wed, September 20, 2006 - 11:12 PMHave any of you seen that episode of Boondocks where Granddad showed a white woman in the grocery store how to whoop her misbehaving kid? -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Fri, September 22, 2006 - 7:26 AMI've never seen that show. Is it like the comic strip? -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Sat, September 23, 2006 - 12:28 PMNot sure. I've rarely read the comic strip, so I really can't compare the two. However, what I can tell you is that the show is flippin' hilarious, and Aaron McGruder pulls no punches.
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Fri, June 20, 2008 - 8:58 PMThis thread is so old but I am already starting to live it a bit. My wonderful, adorable, ever so clever little toddler has discovered that he can sneak tennis balls into the washer and dryer when I am not looking. He has about twenty tennis balls in a bucket that he plays with all the time and somehow I missed it when he was tossing them all into the washer the other day. I wondered why the machine was making so much noise. I figured something was lopsided so I open it up during the spin and there are about five tennis balls in there! Later I put clothes in the dryer but since it was mid day I decided not to run it (I run the appliances at night usually). That evening I go to start the dryer and once again I hear all kinds of racket and open it up to find that somehow he smuggled in 4 tennis balls.
Oh man his obsession with tennis balls coupled with his obsession for flushing things down the toilet could be dangerous but so far I do whatever I can to keep him out of the bathroom when he isn't bathing. I so do NOT want to deal with that kind of plumbing issue! Yikes! -
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Re: The Joys of Boys
Sat, June 21, 2008 - 9:18 AMoh that's too funny....
the flushing days.... seems like they always wanna flush something.... legos... little cars... the cat.... you know... anything they can stick in the toilet.... he he he
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